I'm Back!!!!

Oh boy I know it's been awhile since I last posted and so much has happened in my life since then.First off I'm still with Delmar our relationship has changed thou,we are not only living together but we are engaged to be married it was made official on dec.12,2010.I have to finish up my divorce with Joe as well.That's suppose to be sometime this month around the 20th,I'm so happy about that.I had set the date for September 24,2011,but I decided to wait til 2012 for 2 reasons, one I WANNA A VERY NICE WEDDING BECAUSE I PLAN ON MAKING THIS THE LAST ONE.two I WANNA LOSE SOME MORE WT FOR SURE.I still haven't lost that 17 lbs I gained back but the good news is I haven't gained anymore either.I was suppose to start Monday doing the special k but that didn't happen I've got a few things I need to get at the grocery in order to start that so I may go for it Monday or just try something else but either way I got to get started if I truly wanna see a difference.So for sure my health changing date will be 1-10-11 or even better 1-11-11 yeah I like the sound of that 1 11 11 and thats my first goal 23 lbs 1+11+11=23
I'm so excited.I feel like this yr will be an even greater yr,2010 brought me love,2011 will keep me in love.I tell you God has been so good to me He has brought me thru a lot and look forward to His new promises.THANK U JESUS!!!!!

17 lbs

I have gained back 17 lbs because I have been so damn busy falling in love,being wined and dined that I let my guard down and now I'm paying the price.I knew I had gained some wt back but not that much I am very disappointed in me.Even my boyfriend said he can tell a difference so you know that kinda pissed me off.But he said it doesn't matter to him because he loves me.BullCrap it matters to me.I did not fight for myself a whole year to bring it back no way in hell will this defeat me.No way no way.Those 17 lbs are good as dead.I just hope it don't take forever to get them back off.I started the points system again so I'm praying that I can stay with it a lil longer this time.I already told my bf that this is how its going to be.I love him and I love that he loves me just the way that I am but I have come too far to give it all up now.I love me as a person and I don't feel ashame of who I am.So goodbye sour 17lbs you are UNWANTED!!

What has happened to me.

I have 7 more days before my birthday.I haven't loss any wt haven't bn tracking pts or anything.I'm sure I've gained wt but I'm too ashamed to get on the scale.I barely exercise and show nuff don't eat right.So I've got to get it together.My byf is taking me to st louis this wkend for my b'day but when I get back home its back to the drawing board.I feel like a failure because this wasn't the plan.I have know idea of who I am and don't know what happened to me. but I got to get back to tonia.I let myself get distracted.

We R Gettin There

Things have really been progressing with my relationship with Dee.Its still seems so unreal to have found this kind of love at this age.Over the fourth of July wkend we went to St.Louis, we took the girls as well.We got a chance to meet his mother she's a very nice lady.She welcomed us in and treated us with great admiration.I was really nervous at first.Cause you don't know how the parents will react to meeting the girlfriend especially after his marriage went bust.At least he got his divorce my stupid hubby still want sign the damn papers.But anyway I'm really enjoying my relationship with Dee.I also met his daughter Dominique this wkend.She's a very beautiful girl and were all getting along well.Her and my girls act like they been knowing each other for years instead of hours.But I'm so happy about that because I didn't know how she would accept her father's new girlfriend when he's only been with her mother all of her 15 yrs well except for the last yr. Now I wonder whats next for us..................................
But I seriously got to get back on track with my eating and exercising my but haven't did nothin in about 3 wks now.i got those jeans to zip up and then just said forget it.They probaly don't fit now cause I have bn eating and picked back up that sweet stuff but I'm about to cut it loose again.I got a birthday coming in 4 wks yes I'll be 41.Aagh We are getting there.

It's Working!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've counting pts again and its beginnin to work already.I have lost about 9 lbs.I am so proud of me.I've also been doing the walking dvd.And today I turned down my favorite desert CHEESECAKE.Oh yes I did.I couldn't hardly beleive it myself.I am very determined to reach my goal by my birthday which is only about 6 lbs.Then I will start a new goal for the next yr.I figure if I lose 50 lbs a yr for the next 3 yrs I'll be good.Well I just wanted to ck in and let you know I'm back on track.

Im dissappointed in me

I got on the scale this morning and I saw another 6 lb gain how in the hell is this happening.Ive bn exercising and counting pts.I am going on a strict diet cause i have got to get this fat off my body I worked too hard to get this stuff off to let it come back.I got too relaxed and got caught up in romance.my boyfriend has bn cookin for me late at nite but oh hell no that has to stop.I am so dissappointed in myself til its ridicilus.and i know i shouldnt let my wt determine how i love myself but i do.and right now i hate me.i dont understand why i just cant stick to a plan and do it.i should be tired of carring all this extra unneccessary dead weight around.thats why its hard for me to beleive that dee really loves me.how can someone like him whos slim and not bad looking want someone big and fat like me.whats so special about me.why did he fall in love with me.look at me i look huge.who want a fat girl like me.cant wear certain clothes belly hanging out everywhere who.he must be lying to me.cause i wouldnt even date me.i hate my life and i hate being fat and i hate myself for doing this to myself.people say i remind them of Monique i cant tell.I'm very disappointed in me!!!!!!!!!

I'm coming back!

For the past few weeks no past few months I haven't been doin nothing I'm suppose to do.I've been eating out of control,not exercising not tracking my foods etc.So I'm paying yhe price for that.I got too comfortable and now I have gained 10 lbs back and I need to get rid of them by Aug.21 in order to meet my 1 yr goal well actually 5 lbs will put me back at my 1 yr goal but I want to lose the 5 i've regained as well.I have 2 months to lose 10 lbs and I've got to do it.I set out with a pission and a purpose and I let myself become distracted.However I am still proud of me.I want to get in those jeans I bought a few months back I may not wear them by my birthday but I will wear them this year.So that markets me til Dec.31.So far today I have exercised and tracking my pts plus drinking my water.I will get back on track and back on target.I need to accomplish this not just for myself but be an example to my children.I will be going back to sixflags this yr and this time I will be able to keep up especially with 50lbs already gone I will be in better shape.I really need this belly of mine to go down but that will take a lot of hard work well chat with you later and pray for my success.Cause I am coming back!!!