I feel so alone!

I've been having a damnest time trying to convince my hubby to sign the divorce papers.So I've just given up I told my atty to just stop the process.Since we haven't submitted anything to the courts yet so he's going to give me a refund but I don't want a refund I want a divorce but I want it to be uncontested.Then today my hubby tells me he know an atty that can do it for 125 uncontested ok if thats so why didn't he pay for it his income is 4 times mine.Ireally think he's being a selfish donkey.We've been separated for 5 yrs he's been living with someone else the entire time yet he don't want me to be happy.I been trying to live rightbut don't seem like that is getting me anywhere.I want to be free.I jumped off the plan this entire weekend from friday to saturday but starting tomorrow I'll be back on I'm not going to let this unhappiness spoil my wt loss efforts.Although it doesn't feel like it now I know God loves me and He sees what I'm going thru.But I trully feel so alone I feel like the fattest person in the world and everyonein the world is making a mockery of me.I just want to crawl under a rock.