Discovery

I finally discovered what has made me an emotional eater after 20 yrs it finally hit me.I never felt good enough I always felt unloved in my family and that no matter what I did it just wasn't good enough for my mother's love.My whole life I can't remember anytime that my mother has embraced me or said she was proud of me.But my granny did she loved me unconditionally and she was there for me every step of the way all my ups all my downs she was there she saw in me what I just discovered in me that I am special and that I am beautiful and loved.My life does has a purpose.It's not about being accepted cause God loves me for who I am all my imperfections.My beloved grandmother passed away 3 yrs ago(nov.18) and I just couldn't believe I would be able to go on without her.And that was the first time my mother ever hugged me, she knew the pain I felt too cause she had just loss her mother as well.And after that I gave up on life and I just ate and ate til it was no hope cause I knew noone would ever love me who wanted to love a fat girl? Not my husband for he left me for a slimmer,younger woman but it wasn't because of my wt he was just a cheater from day one.(but thats a whole other story).Anyway I shut myself out from the world except for my children I've always showered them with love cause I never wanted them to feel out of place in their own home.I wanted them to have the love I never rec'd. No child should wish they were dead so many bad childhood memories but that's my past my mother and I have a better relationship she has told me she love me on serveral occassions and the good thing is I don't have to go out of my way to prove I'm worthy or that I'm lovable she knows this now and she probaly knew it then she just didn't know how to show me but she sure spreads her love among my children and for me thats where it counts.I don't have to turn to food for love anymore and thats why this time around the weight will come off and stay off this is my time to shine this is the rewrite of my story.I've discovered who I am I'm me and I'm beautiful and I've been DISCOVERED!!!!!!!!!